don't forget..

on a journey to love myself first

it's a lot harder than i thought

but i know that i'll be okay if i never find the love of my life

maybe it's just not in the cards this time around.
but in the back of my mind and heart,
i hope that i will find the love of my life.

buckeyes

BUCKEYES recipe

(took the picture a little late. you will have more dough)

ingredients:

3/4 c. peanut butter (creamy)

1 stick butter (softened)

2 c. powdered sugar

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

1/4 tsp. salt

chocolate chips + about half stick butter (or crisco)

Mix ingredients together using hands or spatula.  (works best to slowly add powdered sugar) the mix will be soft.

Next: form into balls using hands. can be 1/2inch to however big you want them. Place onto lined cookie sheet. Place a toothpick into each ball and refrigerate for 1 hour or until firm.

After the 1 hour mark has passed.. melt chocolate chips and about a half stick butter (or crisco) in saucepan. Make sure it is a smooth, runny type consistency. (if it's hard, add a little water) dip each ball into chocolate to make the buckeye look.

Take out toothpick and smooth out the hole. Put into a container or back on the cookie sheet. Need to stay refrigerated if not eaten right away.

ENJOY :)







straight up funk

straight up fing funk

(and it doesn't get a pretty color either)

this whole week.. i've been in this funk.

and it's not shaking off.

today was a little better. i don't know what in the hell is going on but all i know is, it was so difficult getting out of bed this morning.

reasons why this funk is going on:

*too many decisions to be made about the future

*going back to square 1 with all this vertigo, headaches crap

*can't seem to get ahead financially

*this damn black fuzz ball floating in my vision

*the angels beat the rangers tonight, um really? i'm not even going to start

*definitely missing my brother and sista

*missing friends. i feel so out of the loop

*ran out of doughnuts (kinda joking but seriously, that sucks :P)

ANYWAY. the point is.. i have NO idea why i woke up the other day feeling this funk when i have so much to be grateful for. 

tomorrow is a new day and what does help, is seeing my little man smile, play, be happy, healthy, and being his mama.

love always*



to all the mama's..

Being a mom is such a wonderful, hard, extraordinary journey. Bless you for your sacrifice and hard work and unconditional love. It's an amazing ride.. hold on tight and cherish it all. I Love You Enough

I Loved You Enough.... to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home. I Loved You Enough.... to insist that you save your money and buy a bike for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you. I Loved You Enough.... to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep. I Loved You Enough.... to make you take a Milky Way back to the drugstore (with a bite out of it) and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it." I Loved You Enough.... to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that would have taken 15 minutes. I Loved You Enough.... to let you see anger, disappointment and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect. I Loved You Enough.... to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart. But most of all, I Loved You Enough.... to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end, you won, too. ~Author Unknown love always*

to whom it may concern

"So hold your head up high and know it's not the end of the road
Walk down this beaten path before you pack your things and head home
At the end of the road you'll find what you've been longing for
I know 'cause my feet have the scars to show
I was lost with vague direction and no place to call home

It's time for you to press on
This is not your war
Set your sights to North and press on
This is not your escape
Wash way what they thought of you"

-underoath

(favorite band.. their lyrics speaks volumes)

I've been really into astronomy lately.. maybe it's that nerd in me coming out. I love anything science (even though I'm not a smarty pants). It is absolutely astonishing *if you really think about* just how tiny we are in the universe. I look at the sky each night and wonder what else it out there.. how many stars there are.. the black hole phenomenon.. how many galaxies there.. more planets that what we know?.. and so on & so forth. I could get lost in astronomy and it's a subject where you never stop learning and never stop wondering.

I had an MRI done today (always get way too anxious and worked up over these things) and the whole time during.. I just kept thinking of everything listed above. like, how did we get here? why are we here? what are we doing to better the future generations? how do we know what to do? and a million more things.. I think when things get serious, hard; we truly start seeing things more clearly. I just hope I'm making some type of positive impact for my time on earth.

love always*

aquarium fun

long beach aquarium

may 17th

gavin LOVED the aquarium! :)



love my little man so much!

favorite exhibit. big glass cyclinder with different fishes

will definitely be going back to the aquarium! i had no idea how much gaivn would enjoy it. he sure loves animals, just like his mama!





just the way it is

it may not be perfect, it may not be what people think it is the "norm", it may not be easy, it may not be what was expected..

it's my life. and i do love it a little more each day.


some little reasons why:
*nonstop hugs and kisses everyday from the most important person in my life
*learning something new each day
*making decisions based on what i need and want (and yes, what Gavin needs too)
*having a strong family force with my parents, brother and sista
*watching my son grow everyday is more than a blessing. with the smiles, laughter, even tears, how smart he is, the cuddling after a nap & reading his favorite book (twinkle twinkle little star)
*working towards a better future for myself and most importantly, for my son
*i feel like I am important and i've never felt that way before
*and for a few friends that i know are true

MORAL of the story..

SMILE.

it irritates those who wish to destory you.